Zack Staab
Assoc. Opinion Editor

We hate to love Tosh.0. His crude and insensitive remarks make us doubt the appropriateness of listening to such obscenities. Nonetheless, chuckles soon take over as we await his next offensive anecdote.   Daniel Tosh has the demeanor of a high school jock; everyone clambers to be around him, knowing that he is a jerk to everyone.  It is the way he subtly smiles in the midst of appalling jokes: acknowledging that since he is a comedian, any gender, lifestyle, ethnicity, organization, and religion is fair game.
In a way, I admire Daniel Tosh–not for his jokes–but for his career. He is allowed to say anything inappropriate, obscene, racist, stereotypical or otherwise despicable as long as he makes people laugh. It is questionable whether his material is original or whether he has writers, but his show on Comedy Central appears to be live and unscripted.  After watching Tosh, I get excited to make people laugh. Here are a few observations that I find amusing:
People who complain about animals being on their property, I don’t understand the premise of their irritations.  If I understand correctly, and I do, animals were there long before you decided to occupy the area with four wheelers and a Ford F 10,000.  You hear it all the time, “there was a bear rummaging through my trashcan, guess I will have to get rid of it.”  It does not make sense, you disrespectfully occupy the bear’s rightful territory and now you’re upset that he decided to explore?  Yes, bears are dangerous, but you should not complain about animals getting into your things when you took the animal’s habitat.  This also applies to shark attacks. As terrible as they are, it amuses me that people get so incredibly shocked when sharks are in the water.  If people want to play in the ocean, then they need to understand that sharks live there and stepping into the ocean is intruding on their habitat.   It’s like going to New York City and exclaiming, “My God there are people in the streets. Everybody out now!”
For some reason, automatic towel dispensers really irritate me and I find them extremely unnecessary. You have to stand there foolishly flapping your hand around until the dispenser grants paper to worthy souls.   When the dispenser decides not to give a paper towel, you must wipe your hands on your clothing and live with the shame of failing to appeal to the dispenser god.  I want to dispense my own paper like the old days.  I know how much paper towel I want and will always get it because a little man isn’t inside the machine dictating how much I get, if I even get it.
The entire world insists on making elevator rides awkward.  The problem is not that elevators are uncomfortable; it’s the riders who act like an elevator is the most awful place in the world. An otherwise enjoyable elevator ride, similar to a gentle amusement park ride, is always made painfully uncomfortable for no reason.  Elevators should be a joyous place where smiles are shared by everyone and people gleefully wish luck upon passengers embarking on their journey. An elevator shouldn’t be a journey to the center of the earth, rather a ride with fellow journeymen to a better place. Food could be served and Champagne should be cracked–we are all on this journey together, let’s make the most of it. I personally love elevator rides and the needless tension makes for hilarious occurrences.  Ask how people are doing and when they don’t say anything proclaim, “Great to hear guys.”  Right before leaving a torturous elevator ride is the best time to say something like, “A good time was had by all,” or “I just passed gas.”   Watch as passengers cringe in pain or awkward smiles while you laugh until the door shuts.
If comedian entertainment were a major, I would consider switching majors.  One half of successful comedy is the delivery, so these funny observations of mine might crash and burn on paper, but hopefully I am more comedic in person.  If this article goes over well, more of my observations may  come in the future.